I desire to be a diamond. A diamond has the highest index of refraction of any material, meaning it can reflect light to the greatest extent. The diamond is not the source of light, but simply reflects the source of light back onto the source. In the same way, I desire to reflect the light of others back onto themselves, so they can see their inherent self-worth and beauty.
This ultimate desire is deeply integrated into my faith, which I consider to be the core of who I am. Nearly every thought, decision, and action I take is rooted in my desire to grow in relationship with God and live into the life He is inviting me to participate in. Time in daily prayer, reflection, and silence is critical in helping me determine my purpose in life and where God is continuing to call me each and every day.
This ultimate desire is deeply integrated into my faith, which I consider to be the core of who I am. Nearly every thought, decision, and action I take is rooted in my desire to grow in relationship with God and live into the life He is inviting me to participate in. Time in daily prayer, reflection, and silence is critical in helping me determine my purpose in life and where God is continuing to call me each and every day.
This passion for my faith has always been a part of my life, but not until I attended a liturgical conference at a Benedictine monastery and seminary in high school did this passion intensify. I experienced a profound sense of peace and joy that led me to make a promise to myself that I would always strive for these qualities in my life with whatever I would do and wherever I would go. I no longer wanted my faith to simply be a component of my life, but I wanted it to be so interconnected with everything I was doing that it was my life. As a bioengineering student, I come to understand my faith most profoundly through many science and engineering concepts. My mind is always creating analogies for how these two seemingly distinct worlds enhance each other. Thus, even in nontraditional settings, my faith is still central to everything I do.
Developing this strong desire to grow in relationship with God while attending a public high school was not easy. I often felt very alone in my faith, especially since I did not have an active youth group at my home parish either. However, I thrived with the challenge! Being exposed to many different beliefs and ways of thinking, I came to gain a much deeper respect for not only my Catholic faith, but also of individuals who held different beliefs than I did. I sought out new perspectives as a way to challenge the way I saw the world, so I could develop a more accurate perspective of the world around me.
It was also during this time in high school that I developed a deep sense of empathy for others. As one who felt very alone internally (although it rarely showed in my outward appearance), I strove to connect with others who also felt the same way. I began to sit with others who sat alone at lunch, initially because I saw God in them, but later because they often had a different perspective that intrigued me. Many of the individuals I had the privilege of knowing had very difficult home lives. As they slowly began to share some of their struggles at home and at school, they in turn became my struggles as well. I would spend many hours reflecting on their lives, seeking to understand the root of their struggles and how it was often tied to a greater societal problem. I developed a passion for imagining how I could create transformative change around some of these issues, tackling the root of the problem, rather than just placing a bandaid on it. While I had never heard the word “social entrepreneurship” at this time, I believe this is where my desire was first planted.
It was also during this time in high school that I developed a deep sense of empathy for others. As one who felt very alone internally (although it rarely showed in my outward appearance), I strove to connect with others who also felt the same way. I began to sit with others who sat alone at lunch, initially because I saw God in them, but later because they often had a different perspective that intrigued me. Many of the individuals I had the privilege of knowing had very difficult home lives. As they slowly began to share some of their struggles at home and at school, they in turn became my struggles as well. I would spend many hours reflecting on their lives, seeking to understand the root of their struggles and how it was often tied to a greater societal problem. I developed a passion for imagining how I could create transformative change around some of these issues, tackling the root of the problem, rather than just placing a bandaid on it. While I had never heard the word “social entrepreneurship” at this time, I believe this is where my desire was first planted.
While my friendship with these individuals grew during my time in high school, I also grew in deeper friendship with my two older brothers, who I have always considered my best friends. Growing up, we would do nearly everything together, whether that be singing and dancing to Ghostbusters, or playing soccer outside. Once I entered into high school, our relationship grew from a friendship of “doing” to a friendship of sharing our hearts. By this, I mean that while we were often not in the physical proximity to do everything together as when we were children, we were intentional to find time sharing the joys and sorrows of our lives on the phone or in rare occasions when we were all together (now that they were in college). This sense of deep and intentional community I had always desired with my older brothers, but it was only until they entered college that it became more of a reality.
My relationship with my parents has also been a very important component to my life. I often attribute my technical “math and science” self to my dad (an engineer), and my empathetic self to my mom. When I was very young (but still to this day), my mom used to always tilt her head to the side and stare at me. Whenever I would ask her what she was doing, she would simply question, “Who said I can’t stare at my daughter,” to which I had no reply. Although I hated it growing up (because it made me feel uncomfortable), to this day, I believe the way my mom looked at me (and continues to look at me) is one of the most intimate forms of love. This way of “looking” at individuals is often how I look at God, and how I imagine God looks at me. It has also led me to view others in this same way. Rather than seeing them for how they often view themselves, I often see them as this unfathomable beauty that I cannot express in words.
It is for this reason that I desire to be a diamond. If I can reflect the light that I see in others back onto themselves, then perhaps they can see their full potential in life. Once they can see their potential, if they have the ability to access their potential (through social entrepreneurship), I can only imagine how that would transform our world today. Gandhi once said, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” I desire not only to be the change, but to lead the change to create a more humane, just, and sustainable world.